We’re already different. We just don’t know the extent of it yet. We won’t go back. We can’t get there. No use thinking if it’s better or worse. It’s just different. And at the same time, we have a perfect opportunity to think about how we want to live. What do we want to hold sacred and what can we move farther down the list of priorities. Maybe even get rid of some things that really don’t reflect well on us.
I kept washing my hands this morning. With every tiny task I turned to the sink to wash my hands. I prepared to store the freshly steeped cold brew coffee and turned that simple process into many steps by compulsively washing my hands over and over. I washed my hands before pouring a little of the coffee into a mug and then washed again after setting aside the mug. I turned back to the brew basket to remove the wet coffee grains and compulsively washed my hands before moving the brew basket to the sink. I washed again after wiping the carafe of fresh brewed coffee and after putting it in the refrigerator and again after wiping down the counter where I had transferred the coffee into the carafe. That wasn’t enough. I had to wash my hands again before handling the cup of coffee that I was about to heat in the microwave.
I know why I’m doing it. I’m doing it because I can. I can pump soap into my palm and scrub under soothing warm water. I have control of the activity and the results. With this disease ravaging the planet, I feel incredibly helpless.
Then I realize the compulsion will quickly become one more item taking control over my life. I can’t let it settle in.
I’m pretty sure I can break the OCD nature of the hand washing. It is a new compulsion. I can squelch it. I just need to decide what is the reasonable amount of hand washing. I really could have just waited until everything was done to wash my hands. I live alone. There is no covid-19 waiting in the coffee grains or the carafe or brew basket. I could have handled all of those tasks and wiped everything down and then washed my hands before putting my mug of coffee in the microwave.
Think. I just need to think. Maybe that is one of the best changes with the covid-19 crisis. We will learn to think differently. I’m going to break this compulsion. I have to because there is much more important work to be done and I want freedom to choose that work instead of enslaving myself to compulsions.
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